Screenplay 1

INT. NIGHT.

 

Darkness. A torch flicks on, uplighting BARNEY’S face. He whispers.

 

BARNEY

If I stay quiet, it won’t hear me.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. DAY.

 

An enclosed alleyway. Footsteps pounding. A pair of feet come hurtling past.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. DAY.

 

Looking down at water flowing under a bridge. We have the POV of the owner of the feet. It’s like they want to jump. Moaning monster sounds in the background.

 

BARNEY (V/O)

But if it doesn’t hear me, it will never leave.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. NIGHT.

 

The dark room again. Barney in torchlight. Eyes wide.

 

BARNEY

So I’m going to have to do something about it, aren’t I?

 

He smiles.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. NIGHT.

 

Sudden flashes of coloured light in all directions. Strange noises. Moans, as if a monster is being devoured… by another monster.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. DAY.

 

The bridge again, but the feet are running along it. Laughter.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. DAY.

 

The alleyway. The feet run back the other way. A teddy bear gets dropped right in front of us.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. NIGHT.

 

Darkness. Still. Silent. The torch flicks on, and Barney’s there. He’s dripping with sweat. A smile slowly crosses his face.

 

BARNEY

No-one ever bothered to warn the monsters under the bed - 

 

RAPID MONTAGE OF STILLS SHOWING BARNEY’S FACE IN VARIOUS MONSTER POSES

 

BARNEY

- about the monsters on top of it.

 

He laughs like a loony.

 

FADE TO BLACK.

Fantasy Road Trips

via themorningnews.org

The Morning News editors asked us where we’d like to go, if we could jump in a vehicle and go road-tripping. And I picked Denmark, Norway and Sweden. In summer, ideally.

Economist Direct is a fabulous idea

via economistdirect.com

I love the global perspective you get from The Economist, and I love its style of reporting. But I’ve never subscribed, because I know I’d never get through the whole thing in a week. I’ve got too many other things to do.

Economist Direct is the new way to buy it, and I completely love it. Here’s how it works:

- you sign up at their web site, and hand over your mobile number and your credit card details

- then every Thursday, they text you with a brief teaser for this week’s mag

- if you want it, you just reply with “BUY”, and they send it to you in the post (at a much reduced price, too)

It’s not a subscription; it’s more casual than that. It’s an **impulscription**; they get the chance to dangle the week’s headlines under your nose, and you get the chance to buy if you like the look of that issue. No obligation, no hassle. It means I never have to miss an Economist Technology Quarterly, and nor do I have to take out a proper subscription and then suffer the guilt of seeing unread copies piling up in the living room.

I want all magazines to be available like this, please.

All The Rage: Style

via alltherage.org.uk

Look! There’s a new bumper edition of ALL THE RAGE out, and it’s got that me in it!

This edition’s theme is “style”; a challenge for me to write about, for as anyone who knows me will attest, “style” is something I have only the vaguest grasp of. I wrote something about Scout leaders, who have a style of their own and who don’t get nearly the sort of thanks and appreciation that they deserve.

Yes, I am the scrufflancer.

Up There

A lovely short film.